Why I love “Revenge”–and you should, too

Ooooooh my. This. Show.

“Double infinity. That’s a long time.”

“Revenge” follows Emily Thorne, AKA Amanda Clarke, a rich young woman seeking revenge on the people who put her innocent father in jail. She targets each responsible party one by one, letting slip secrets and faulty financial information. She goes after the son of her father’s former lover, a complete idiot who makes Ethan Craft look like a genius.

She also struggles to hide her identity from the conniving Victoria Grayson and Jack Porter, her childhood sweetheart.

The show’s draw is supposed to be retribution served to the upper class with a veneer of civility–get it? “Revenge” is a dish best served cold–but the incidents of public humiliation come across as high school nonsense. Exiling your best friend at a fancy party all while making snide remarks about her loyalty? Try Prom Night 2011, son.

The show is so campy, Emily practically twirls an imaginary mustache every time she does something vengeful, whether it’s throwing a drink on the aforementioned idiot and making it look like an accident or watching footage of her dad’s arrest.

And the dialogue. Oh, the dialogue. Take lots of important exposition, write it as dialogue, and have characters scream it at each other.

“YOU COULD’VE HAD ANYONE, AND YOU KNEW SHE WAS MY CLOSEST FRIEND!”
“IF YOU’LL REMEMBER, I GAVE UP EVERYTHING ONCE TO PROVE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!”
“AND I RETURNED THE FAVOR!”

Every minute, a new ridiculous twist pops up. Then they were having an affair! Then he was the love of her life! Then he knew her secret identity! Then they threw a housewarming party!

And that love interest. The writers tried so hard to make him seem earthy and responsible. He owns a boat named after his childhood sweetheart! He has a dog! He wears scruffy button downs! He’s going to Haiti to clean up after the earthquake!

“I’m hardworking and manly! I wonder what that means for our relationship!”

Above all, how could I not like a show where the sassy, cutthroat best friend wears pants like this?

I’m not lying when I say I want a pair.

I’m trying not to be that person who only likes things ironically. I don’t see the value in that and am trying to be more genuine in my interests. “Revenge” is different from “The 100” in that I’m being honest when I say I love and hate “The 100”–it’s OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE, but I have willingly subjected myself to an entire season partly out of investment, partly because I can’t look away.

I LIKE “Revenge.” I know it’s bad, I laugh hysterically when anything happens, everything about it is so, so silly–but I’m having so much fun. That’s the important part: I’m enjoying myself. I want to know what happens next. I want more outfits with whale-print pants. I want more terrible child actors given riveting bits of dialogue like, “He sure likes sticks!”

If you’re a fan of bad TV or melodrama, give “Revenge” a shot.

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