TERRIBLE PROSE TUESDAY: It was a massacre…ho hum

Hooray! Another great passage from Eyes of War.

I’m fairly impressed with the description in today’s passage. Sure, it takes a turn for the morbid, sounding like something you’d find in George R. R. Martin’s books, but it’s not bad. There are a couple flubs–“The oval face held fear.”–but it’s pretty good for Ms. Nickerson.

The problem is how the characters react.

The brother does fall to his knees “in desolation.” Deivanada throws a spellbook to the ground. Other than that, they don’t care much that their entire village has been burned to the ground. In fact, they seem kind of annoyed. My favorite part is when they nonchalantly tell a little girl her parents are dead.

Come on, guys. Entire village and culture obliterated. Make me feel something!

“Yeah, your parents are dead. Geez, calm down!”

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