In the past few days, I’ve written just over 5,000 words for my rough draft.
Per the website, I should be at 10,000.
Here’s the deal:
I. Am. Struggling.
And, in true 4-on-the-enneagram fashion, I’ve been moping about it.
Why was this so much easier when I was in college?
Since when am I concerned about my physical well-being? I would get more done if I gave up sleep!
Why bother developing my social and spiritual lives? I HAVE A NOVEL TO FINISH.
My current routine of waking up early to write, which worked so well the past few months, isn’t working here.
I wake up with a deadened creative spirit. My desire to write is nowhere to be found.
Then I feel guilty for staring at a blank document and/or procrastinating.
I spend my mornings reading The Scorpio Races or Cross Family vlogs, fretting all the while about “wasted” time.
My only fix is a dose of Radical Acceptance. I’ve shifted the way I look at this project.
DIFFICULT TRUTH #1: I might not finish on time
Or, to use NaNoWriMo’s terminology, I might not “win.”
I HATE losing.
I have to start telling myself that starting this novel at all is winning.
Making time for this project is winning.
Finishing a draft – with or without a timeline – is a success.
And I’m STILL ALLOWED TO BUY WINNER’S MERCH.
I’ll miss out on the external validation and THAT’S OKAY.
DIFFICULT TRUTH #2: I can’t write work on my draft in the mornings
I do my best fiction writing at night.
I don’t know why.
Because of this habit, my new social life is a mixed blessing.
I love going to shows, getting dinner, and having theological discussions, but all of those cut into my writing time.
They also result in some late nights, which KILLS my morning writing joy.
For tonight, I’m skipping a group get-together to write. I’m allowed. My friends will understand.
For other nights, I’ll figure something else out. Missing a night wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Refer back to Difficult Truth #1.
DIFFICULT TRUTH #3: I need to warm up
Fiction is way, way too heady for me at 6:00 AM, even with coffee.
I took advantage of my office’s flexible start time to give myself ample time to write.
Nope. Nothing. I napped on the floor instead.
This RARELY happens when I’m blogging.
To fix this, I’m going to work on blog posts in the morning so that I’m ready for fiction in the evening.
I’ll keep updating as the month goes on.
My friend Staci offered to read my draft when it’s finished (thank you, I love you, you’re awesome.)
It’s nice to know other people believe in me.