Did you all know I liked Cats?
Hahaha, well you’re WRONG.
I LOVED Cats.
Did you know your favorite Cats cat tells me a lot about the books you might like?
Just go with it.
If you like: Macavity, Mungojerrie, or Rumpleteazer
You’re into dashing crime stories and heist novels, I bet.
The Amateur Cracksman by E. W. Hornung: A short-story collection about A. J. Raffles the gentleman thief.
The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch: For the edgier crime fan, read about the adventures of the Gentlemen Bastards as they con the elite.
The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller: An assassin attempts to woo the Shadow King in order to kill him and gain power. Love ensues.
The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi: Heist kids form a found family. Also there is magic, but this one has a bi boi.
Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo: Heist kids form a found family. Also there is magic, but this one has a PAN boi.
The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner: The ACTUAL plot of this book is that there’s a thief…and he’s magic. Pretty on brand.
If you like: Bombalurina or Cassandra
You like a tough, hypercompetent lady.
Girl’s got goals and she doesn’t care about your feelings.
HAVE I GOT BOOKS FOR YOU!
Conversations With Friends by Sally Rooney: Two girls fail to maintain boundaries with each other and with a married couple. The ending is SOMETHING.
That’s What Frenemies Are For by Sophie Littlefield: A socialite treats an acquaintance like a project. Just good, healthy friendship for the younger set.
The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smith: Two girls pretend to fall in love and actually fall in love on accident. WHOOPS.
We Used to Be Friends by Amy Spalding: They used to be friends. They’re not anymore. Find out why.
Hello Girls by Brittany Cavallaro: Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well.
The Valiant by Lesley Livingston: Gladiator girls. That’s all.
If you like: Growltiger or Old Deuteronomy
Do you only like things that people pretend to care about?
(Also, I CANNOT FIND images of Ray Winstone as Growltiger. That tells me something.)
The Iliad by Homer: AW YISS, A GREEK EPIC POEM IN DACTYLIC HEXAMETER. BREATHE IT IN.
The Odyssey by Homer: NOW THAT THE WAR IS OVER, YOU HAVE TO READ ABOUT ODYSSEUS’ TWENTY-YEAR JOURNEY HOME. THE TORTURE NEVER ENDS.
Beowulf: YEP. WE’RE HERE NOW. WE’VE ARRIVED.
Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust: Don’t pretend you’ve read this. NO ONE HAS.
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand: 1000 PAGES OF CAPITALISM. THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE.
Moby-Dick; or, The Whale by Herman Melville: This is on my book bucket list and I never want to cross it off.
If you like: Munkustrap
I don’t know how to put this.
Munkustrap’s intense eye contact…makes me uncomfortable.
So, uh…if you’re into it…
…I have a feeling you’ll like sexy romances.
Just a feeling.
The Mister by E. L. James: How do I put this delicately…? An employer enters into a relationship with his subordinate.
Pretty Reckless by L. J. Shen: Per this gem from the plot synopsis, “I took her first kiss. She took the only thing I ever loved.”
Open Me by Lisa Locascio: All I saw were the words “erotic literature.”
Dark Lover by J.R. Ward: I laughed a bit at “deadly turf war between vampires and their slayers” and “a secret band of brothers.” This is not my thing; it might be for someone else.
Hate to Love You: I found THREE DIFFERENT ROMANCE NOVELS under this title, so GO HAM. (The one by Elise Alden looks most promising.)
Black Moon Rising by Frankie Rose: Uh, NO, this isn’t published erotic Reylo fanfiction! How could you ASK that?
If you like: Victoria
I’m guessing you like triumphant tales of young ingenues.
Ingenue by Jillian Larkin: Fun historical fiction about flappers!
Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter: Avoid the sequel Pollyanna Grows Up. That title bodes ill.
Heidi by Johanna Spyri: Y’all, this was made into a movie starring Shirley Temple. I can’t think of a more innocent book.
Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery: Anne is a pure, imaginative soul. Go on fun, whimsical adventures with Anne.
The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux: Christine Daae is the ULTIMATE ingenue! Follow her into the dark!
Fruits Basket and Fruits Basket Another by Naoko Takeuchi: In both series, a plucky young girl navigates a complicated family.
If you like: Mr. Mistoffelees
DID YOU KNOW CATS LIKE MAGIC?
AND SO DO YOU!
LOOK AT THESE MAGICAL BOOKS!
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern: The cover matches Mistoffelees’ jacket and that’s all I want to say on the matter.
The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern: Books are magic or something.
Caraval by Stephanie Garber: NO, I’m not just choosing magic circus books! Hold your tongue!
The Magicians by Lev Grossman: OH WELL I NEVER, WAS THERE EVER AN AUTHOR SO CLEVER AS LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEV GROSSMAN?
The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin: Kids see their future and become immortal? Whatever. Something magical happens.
Stardust by Neil Gaiman: OKAY, YES, THERE IS A MAGIC CIRCUS IN THIS ONE, TOO.
If you like: Skimbleshanks
Skimble is a Good Times Guy…who is also weirdly controlling and REALLY loves trains.
Have some wacky books about trains, you tap-dancing tool.
Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie: A Poirot book that takes place on a TRAIN. HE EVEN HAS A MOUSTACHE LIKE SKIMBLE’S!
The Shadow in the North by Phillip Pullman: A plucky girl detective goes on adventures! And there are…dogs! OOH, AND TRAINS (probably)!
The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins: A regular woman solves a murder while on a TRAIN.
Strangers on a Train by Patricia Highsmith: This is the plot of Cats.
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three by John Godey: Remember this? It was made into a very boring movie!
Mr. Norris Changes Trains by Christopher Isherwood: Scintillating content.
The Railway Children by E. Nesbitt: I HAD TO.
Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W. Awdry: I should stop now.
If you like: Gus
I get it. You could have had a career on the stage.
Relive your imaginary glory days with these books.
Echo After Echo by Amy Rose Capetta: It’s a theatrical romance-thriller. You’re WELCOME.
Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee: Teens try to adapt Tolstoy as a web series. The director comes out as ace. There’s a friends-to-lovers romance.
Eyes Like Stars by Lisa Mantchev: The characters are LITERALLY born to perform.
Dramarama by E. Lockhart: Teens cause drama at theater camp. The protagonist somehow isn’t dramatic enough.
Theater Shoes by Noel Streatfeild: It’s theater, but with plucky young kids pulling the strings.
Tiny Pretty Things by Dhonielle Clayton and Sona Charaipotra: Ballerinas are MEAN.
Ruinsong by Julia Ember: Take Phantom of the Opera, add more concrete magic, and make it queer!
If you like: Jennyanydots
You must love horrifying things.
The Toll by Cherie Priest: A couple disappears down a dark toll road. My guess is it was a demon.
Growing Things and Other Stories by Paul Tremblay: Goodreads calls Paul Tremblay’s imagination “fantastically fertile” and I find that horrifying.
Bunny by Mona Awad: Frankly, I would rather die than join an MFA program, especially one that…summons demons? WHAT IS THIS BOOK ABOUT?
Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer: Science is gross and terrifying. Nature is dangerous. None of the characters have names.
His Hideous Heart edited by Dahlia Adler: Edgar Allan Poe tales…for teens!
The Boatman’s Daughter by Andy Davidson: I have NO idea what’s happening but there’s a tree man on the cover and I hate it.
Wonderland by Zoje Stage: WHAT’S WITH THE TREE PEOPLE???
Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia: Men are evil and ghosts are real.
Clown in a Cornfield by Adam Cesare: The plot synopsis yields clowns and the phrase “make [location] great again,” so I’m not loving that!
If you like: Bustopher Jones
So…you like books that try a tad too hard to be funny.
I’ve got you covered.
Kill the Farmboy by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne: Fantasy embraces fart humor to turn the hero’s journey on its head.
Space Opera by Catherynne M. Valente: An absurdist space romp in the style of Douglas Adams with worse jokes and a confusing alien sex scene in the first 80 pages.
Demons of the Ocean by Justin Somper: It’s either vampires and pirates or vampire pirates.
My Lady’s Choosing: An Interactive Romance Novel by Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris: An erotic adventure of your very own. Choose from three eligible bachelors, one brave lady, an old guy, a boring drip, and many more! Expect sex puns for days!
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman: A book about an angel and a demon trying to hasten the Apocalypse.
Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story by Christopher Moore: Vampirism is tough on hot people. Watch them suffer.
The Sol Majestic by Ferrett Steinmetz: A motley crew of space characters bands together to save their space restaurant in space.
The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix: Some MAN keeps trying to infiltrate a ladies’ book club. Also, he’s a vampire and a child-murderer.
If you like: Grizabella
Two words: Inspirational. Tearjerkers.
That’s what you get.
Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott, Mikki Daughtry, and Tobias Iaconis: A love story about sick kids who have to stay at least six feet apart.
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara: A Great Gay Novel about friendship and trauma.
There, There by Tommy Orange: An anthology novel following Native residents of Oakland as they prep for an annual powwow.
The Last Letter From Your Lover by Jojo Moyes: If you know anything about this author, her goal is to ruin your life. Goodreads calls this book a “spellbinding, intoxicating love story with a knockout ending.”
Wonder by R.J. Palacio: Kids are terrible. That is all.
The Astonishing Moment of After by Emily X. R. Pan: A girl believes that her mother, who died by suicide, has turned into a crane.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: How many sad things can you think of? They’re all in this book. Also, the Holocaust.
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi: A memoir about a doctor fighting stage IV lung cancer.
Dive by Stacey Donovan: The synopsis is so horrifying I don’t feel comfortable sharing it. CW for the SYNOPSIS ALONE: violence, animal harm, car crash, alcoholism, parent illness
There you have it, Cats fans.
I hope you find something fun.
(Except you, Growltiger fans.)