What did I say about the Lover-themed content on this blog?
Enough is never enough.
I did some superficial research on the zodiac for a different post and AM NOW AN EXPERT. (This is a lie; false confidence is my coping mechanism.)
I like tying things to other things.
You know this. YOU’VE READ MY TAGS.
The imagery in Taylor’s lyrics reminded me of various zodiac signs.
Let me take advantage of this album’s novelty while it lasts.
🐍 CONTENT WARNING: Snakes ahead 🐍
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Corresponding Lover track: “Paper Rings”
“Paper rings and picture frames and all my dreams, oh, you’re the one I want.”
What other sign would present a list of the things they want from the person they love?
Dear Aries: This song isn’t subtle…and neither are you!
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Corresponding Lover track: “ME!”
“I promise that you’ll never find another like me.”
This song would be PERFECT for a parade, which you PROBABLY INTENDED.
I agree that you’re unlikely to bore anyone.
That wasn’t a compliment.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Corresponding Lover track: “The Archer”
“I jump from the train, I ride off alone. I never grew up, it’s getting so old.”
DID YOU WANT A LESS OBVIOUS METAPHOR?
I see right through you.
Stop running away from everything.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Corresponding Lover track: “Lover”
“This is our place, we make the rules.”
Of course you wrote a love song about your domestic routine.
I am somewhat impressed that you have a contingency plan for friends’ visits.
That being said, please take down your Christmas lights.
I don’t CARE if it’s your place. Take them down.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Corresponding Lover track: “Cornelia Street”
“I’m so terrified that if you ever walk away, I’d never walk Cornelia Street again.”
Hey! Nothing bad has happened yet!
You’re happy, right?
Let yourself enjoy it!
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Corresponding Lover track: “The Man”
“They’d say I hustled, put in the work. They wouldn’t shake their heads
and question how much of this I deserve.”
I can’t believe the patriarchy is trying to stop you from fulfilling your goals.
No wonder you’re mad.
Forget everyone else. I value your work ethic.
I know you don’t NEED the validation; I’m just trying to be nice.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Corresponding Lover track: “I Think He Knows”
“He’s so obsessed with me and, boy, I understand. Boy, I understand.”
Finally: a love story as dramatic as you are!
It must be so exciting, after searching for so long, to find the person who completes you.
Or, at the very least, makes you skip down the sidewalk.
…do you think you’re subtle? Because I’m pretty sure they know how you feel.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Corresponding Lover track: “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”
“I don’t really wanna fight ’cause nobody’s gonna win.”
I really don’t want to waste a Mulan quote on a situation like this…but:
“We HAVE to fight!”
Please stop avoiding conflict to make your relationship work.
It’s. Not. Worth. It.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Corresponding Lover track: “You Need to Calm Down”
“Can you just not step on my gown? You need to calm down.”
I will never cross you again.
I do wonder…do you actually care about the cause or do you just like to rebel?
AAAAAAH, OKAY, I’M SORRY!
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Corresponding Lover track: “Death by a Thousand Cuts”
“I can’t pretend it’s okay when it’s not.”
There you go. That’s it. Cry it out.
Here’s a tip: stop asking the traffic lights for input.
They don’t know what they’re talking about.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Corresponding Reputation track: “Look What You Made Me Do”
“I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me.”
I don’t care HOW original you are – you can’t choose a track from a DIFFERENT ALBUM.
STOP SAYING YOU CAN’T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.
Corresponding Reputation track: “Ready For It?”
“Baby, let the games begin.”
WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
Stop laughing. STOP IT.
Corresponding Lover track: “False God”
“Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you.”
Were you trying to scare me this whole time?
NICE TRY. IT DIDN’T WORK.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Corresponding Lover track: “Soon You’ll Get Better”
“And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to?”
Do you hate it, though?
I know denial feels good right now, but it won’t always help.
Corresponding Lover track: “I Forgot That You Existed”
“It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.”
Do you want to know a secret?
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU.
G’bye. See yourself out.
I now see why zodiac text posts are so fun to make.
I hope none of the signs got their favorite song…because I sure didn’t get mine!