Certain fictional characters fill me with a powerful rage.
These characters are rude to my cinnamon rolls, use offensive terminology, emotionally abuse their loved ones, or just generally get on my nerves.
The following list contains characters I can never forgive.
(Note: Expect spoilers for every series under the sun…but mostly Harry Potter.)
(CW: discussions of sexual assault, slut-shaming, and emotional abuse ahead)
The Infernal Devices
I hate Will Herondale.
Will could have ONE HUNDRED constructive qualities and they WOULD NOT make up for his meanness to Tessa at the end of Clockwork Angel.
It would be bad enough if Will was some side character or a false love interest.
He’s the main contender for Tessa’s heart? Why should I root for him?
Because he felt sad that time Tessa almost died, has a best boifriend, and tells really stupid jokes about demon pox?
Are these traits supposed to counteract his cruelty and melodramatic self-loathing?
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Straight to the moon with this one.
The Harry Potter series
I can no longer read The Goblet of Fire, my FAVORITE Harry Potter book, because of ol’ Roonil Wazlib.
Ron, despite having known Harry for YEARS, disbelieves his friend’s claim that someone put his name into the Goblet of Fire.
Ron knows Harry doesn’t lie.
He’s seen odd, magic-related things happen to the Chosen One.
In their second year at school, Ron thought Harry was crazy for hearing a voice in the walls, but later conceded that the voice was real (and belonged to a snake.)
AND YET, TWO YEARS AFTER THE (snake) VOICE INCIDENT, Harry tells Ron honestly, “Someone put my name in the Goblet of Fire,” and Ron says, “Yeah, right.”
WORSE STILL, Ron exits Harry’s life for MONTHS, letting his jealousy of Harry’s notoriety poison their friendship.
And to those who say, “RON WAS ONLY FOURTEEN; TEENAGERS MAKE MISTAKES,” hold that thought.
Let’s skip ahead to the part in The Deathly Hallows where Ron blows up at Harry and Hermione.
After exploding at his two best friends, Ron, ONCE AGAIN, leaves for MONTHS.
This is usually where Ron Supporters jump in with defenses.
“Ron’s reaction was TOTALLY understandable. He missed his family! Harry didn’t have a plan!”
Why WOULD Harry have a plan? What direction was he given? He was following a hunch based on Dumbledore’s last will and testament!
And, as Harry made VERY CLEAR, Ron DIDN’T HAVE TO COME!
Also, Harry was SEVENTEEN. DON’T TEENAGERS, AS SOME HAVE OPINED, MAKE MISTAKES?
“But Ron regretted his choice and tried to come right back!”
If Ron HAD been able to come right back, what would that have done? The stuff he said to Harry and Hermione wouldn’t just GO AWAY.
Ron’s guilt doesn’t nullify his actions.
“But the Horcrux made him do it!”
Ron set a precedent of ditching Harry in book four.
His go-to move when someone angers him is to remove himself from the situation.
THAT REMINDS me of ANOTHER instance of Ron Weasley abandonment!
Hearken back to The Prisoner of Azkaban.
Ron blames Hermione’s cat for the death of his rat and STOPS BEING HER FRIEND.
GOBLET OF FIRE AGAIN: jealous of Hermione’s friendship with Viktor Krum, Ron insults Hermione and STOPS BEING HER FRIEND.
DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A LOYAL PAL TO YOU?
What if the Horcrux didn’t affect Ron’s personality?
What if Ron just sucks?
The Harry Potter series
My feelings on Severus “Trash Bag” Snape can be summed up in the following points:
a. I have ZERO sympathy for piners. Absolutely none. Longing for someone for years, especially if your love is unrequited, does NOT endear you to me. PLEASE. DATE. SOMEONE. ELSE.
b. Snape’s grief over Lily’s death does NOT make up for his years-long torment of Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter (AKA Lily’s SON) and other non-Slytherin students. Being mean to children makes you a trash bag, Snape. Go STRAIGHT to wizard hell.
c. SNAPE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED FOR ACTIVELY ABUSING STUDENTS. I’m sure Dumbledore thought, “But he’s the perfect double agent! No one would ever guess!” REALLY?? KEEPING HIM ON DESPITE HIS TREATMENT OF CHILDREN IS A PRETTY BIG HINT.
d. I think I would have been okay with the Snape reveal if HARRY HADN’T NAMED HIS SON AFTER SNAPE. One of the BRAVEST men you ever knew? Are you SERIOUS? DOBBY DIED FOR YOU.
e. I JUST REMEMBERED THAT SNAPE GOT LUPIN FIRED. I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME DEFEND LUPIN, SEVERUS.
Speaking of Lupin…
The Harry Potter series
I am so bothered by Lupin’s decision to abandon his family in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
I REALLY DESPISE when male characters use guilt or anxiety to make decisions that affect their wives, then act like their choices are noble. (See Paul’s last-second decision to leave his family in Hotel Rwanda.)
Hey Lupin: doing what’s best for Tonks DOES NOT involve making decisions FOR her like she’s a CHILD.
Go home to your PREGNANT WIFE, you paternalistic knob.
Granted, Lupin DOES go home after a talking-to from Harry, but leaving Tonks in the first place destroyed my respect for the character.
ALSO, Lupin snaps at Harry for not being more like his dad.
You mean the dad who died trying to protect Harry from Voldemort?
The dad who became a father at age 20 and never left his family?
LUPIN, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.
The Grisha trilogy
I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate Mal.
Super-powered Sun Summoner Alina, a woman struggling for independence, has to take TIME out of her EVERLOVING DAY to placate Mal because he’s upset she ALMOST slept with someone else.
Forget Alina’s character development. Forget that emotionally-satisfying moment where Alina let go of her connection to Mal.
Alina’s reward for self-actualizing is a romantic relationship with someone who has ZERO emotional maturity.
She gets to press pause on her busy schedule (and the ACTUAL PLOT) to soothe Mal’s ego.
Oh, and Mal’s lack of powers makes him a liability.
WHAT A PRIZE.
And by “prize” I mean TRASH BAG.
The Ruby Oliver quartet
Kim cheated with her best friend’s boyfriend, ruined said friend’s reputation, and offered a sort-of apology that she later retracted.
KIM. HOW do you SERIOUSLY believe you are in the right in all of this?
And WHY WOULD YOU TORPEDO A DECADE-LONG FRIENDSHIP FOR JACKSON CLARKE???
(Don’t you dare tell me that teenagers make mistakes.)
I can’t read this series without becoming SO ANGRY.
The Ruby Oliver quartet
I have a really hard time with Noel.
Ruby is aware of Noel’s flaws and seems happy to date him anyway.
I hate that Noel pushes Ruby away whenever he’s upset.
I hate that Noel sees Ruby with her ex, jumps to conclusions, and dumps her.
I hate that he dumps Ruby AGAIN and doesn’t tell her why.
I hate that he kisses someone else to make Ruby jealous instead of trying to reconcile.
Though Ruby and Noel seem happy at the end, I have many doubts about their relationship.
The Ruby Oliver quartet
(CW: parental emotional abuse)
I already disliked Ruby’s mom Elaine for her “big personality.” (Read: narcissistic tendencies.)
I felt certain, though, that the narrative would eventually call Elaine on her self-centeredness.
In the fourth book, after an argument with Ruby, Elaine begins BUTCHERING ANIMALS and KEEPING THEIR CORPSES IN THE FRIDGE to spite Ruby’s vegetarianism.
She also criticizes her clearly-depressed husband for GRIEVING HIS MOM.
This questionnaire she filled out for Ruby’s teachers was the final straw for me:
WHAT KIND OF PARENT writes about their kid like this?
Unfortunately, both Ruby and the narrative make excuses for this behavior. They call Elaine “passionate” and claim that she really loves Ruby deep down.
Bad-mouthing your kid, doing things specifically to spite them, not listening to them, and expecting gratitude for giving them things they didn’t want are all examples of emotional abuse, not “love.”
At the end of the series, Ruby eats meat to make Elaine happy while Elaine pretends nothing ever happened between them.
It’s very unsatisfying.
Much Ado About Nothing
(CW: sexual assault, slut-shaming)
Literally nothing could redeem Claudio in my eyes.
He believes his lover Hero unfaithful and refuses to hear her out (just like Noel.)
UNLIKE NOEL, CLAUDIO SHAMES HERO DURING THEIR WEDDING IN FRONT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
This plot line RUINS THE ENTIRE PLAY.
(CW: sexual assault)
(Also, SPOILERS for the entire series)
A list of the sins of Athos:
- sentences his OWN WIFE to death after HIS BROTHER TRIES TO RAPE HER AND SHE KILLS HIM IN SELF-DEFENSE
- refuses to get Porthos medical care after a mercenary hits Porthos in the shoulder WITH AN AXE
- finally admits that he owns a house in the area, but doesn’t want to go there because the memories make him sad
- watches his love interest’s arrest and says, “Sorry, can’t,” after she begs him for help
- strangles his wife at least once
- shoots d’Artagnan
- renounces his title and ABANDONS HIS TENANTS, leaving them vulnerable
- criticizes d’Artagnan for being loud and irrational, then spends the whole series screaming and making emotional decisions
- defends Treville to Aramis even though Treville got all of Aramis’ friends killed
- somehow participates in the sexiest kissing scene I have ever witnessed??
- responds to his love interest’s question of, “Don’t you want to get to know me?” with, “I GUESS NOT.”
- doesn’t use protection (HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE THE “RESPONSIBLE” ONE!)
- says, “Love is the most important thing of all,” at the end of the series as though it’s the moral of the entire show (I’m blaming him, not the writers, for this)
- follows this awful line with the worst kiss of all time, retconning his past prowess
- scrapes his hair into a disgusting ponytail and doesn’t button his shirt
I just really hate Athos.
You’re aware your love interest is a LITERAL WONDER WOMAN, right?
Then WHY are you pulling focus from the divine exploits of your powerful love interest and her friend the CHARMING, BISEXUAL SEA GODDESS?
GO AWAY, STEVE. STOP RUINING THIS SERIES FOR ME.
(CW: emotional abuse)
Kureno would show up at Uo’s workplace, things would seem to be progressing…then Kureno would disappear FOR MONTHS. (A regular Roonil Wazlib, that one.)
This KEPT HAPPENING in my own life, so I was outraged on Uo’s behalf.
Kureno also had a weirdly threatening interaction with Tohru that I HATED.
Recently, though, I thought about Kureno’s character arc and had to admit I was wrong.
I’d never fully considered his coercive relationship with Akito.
Being with someone as manipulative as Akito would surely stunt one’s decision-making abilities.
What happened to Kureno wasn’t his fault.
The Tiger’s Wife
You know what you did.
There had to have been another way.
Burning someone’s unpublished manuscript is UNFORGIVABLE.
(Oh, and special mention to MARMEE for LETTING AMY GET AWAY WITH IT.
“Come on, Jo. Amy only destroyed months of toil and crushed your creative spirit! Don’t let the sun go down on your anger! Your sister could drown in a frozen pond tomorrow!”
LET JO FEEL HER FEELINGS, MARMEE.)
This is how Young Lauren interpreted Little Women:
Jo, the fun tomboy, isn’t worthy of love and respect until she tames herself. The quashing of her personality wins Jo a self-righteous love interest who talks smack about her writing. (Who CARES if it’s maudlin, FRIEDRICH? Let Jo’s prose develop!!)
Amy burns things and lies and plays the game of femininity and STILL lands THE HOTTEST DUDE IN THE BOOK because sincerity IS FOR THE BIRDS.
TL;DR, Amy ruined my ship and I’ll never forgive her.
(CW: animal abuse)
See above entry.
Also, here’s a note, MARMEE: letting your child’s pet die is animal abuse and bad parenting. Go to a seminar.
(Follow-up question: how did Beth’s bird ACTUALLY die? Did Marmee kill it with her BARE HANDS to make a point?)
(Is Marmee responsible for Amy falling through the ice? IS MARMEE A JIGSAW-ESQUE SERIAL KILLER TRYING TO TEACH PEOPLE TO APPRECIATE LIFE?)
The Graceling series
You are the embodiment of fake news.
I spit on your grave.
Is that the sound of readers unfollowing my blog en masse?
I wanted to be honest.
Submit your defenses of Ron and (ugh) Will below.
I’ll read them…but I won’t change my mind.