TOP TEN TUESDAY: Funny passages from favorite books

My very favorite books usually make me cry my eyes out.

It’s a rare book that does this and also makes me laugh.

The following are the funniest passages from some of my favorite books.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

“Hey,” said Shadow. “Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are.”

The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes.

“Say ‘Nevermore,'” said Shadow.

“Fuck you,” said the raven.

American Gods contains several moments of unexpected humor. This one made me laugh out loud.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

There was definitely something very weird about them, she decided.

Aziraphale bowed again. “So glad to have been of assistance,” he said.

“Thank you,” said Anathema, icily.

“Can we get on?” said Crowledy. “Goodnight, miss. Get in, angel.”

Ah. Well, that explained it. She had been perfectly safe after all.

I giggled plenty while reading Good Omens. This passage gave me my first guffaw.

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun

“The point is,” Jules interjects, “most people don’t fall in love in two months. But sometimes you meet someone, and you just know. And then we put them on a boat in Bali, because who can resist falling in love on a boat?”

“Don’t quote me to me.”

I ugly-cried for this entire book, including during this scene.

Dev’s quip made me burst out laughing in the middle of an emotional overload.

I adore this book.

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

Was it weird to think sentimental thoughts about Zain and Kiran while plotting the murder of their only child? Maybe. Just to get everything out in the open, Zaf said, “I’m going to kill your daughter.”

Kiran barely glanced up. “Why? Has she been stealing your romance novels, too?”

This is the sort of interaction that would happen in my family of origin.

It happens less than 20% into a madcap romance. This book is hilarious and it would not let up.

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

The cub was found in a bush close by, meowing with fear. The hunter, whose name was Richard Parker, picked it up with his bare hands and, remembering how it had rushed to drink in the river, baptized it Thirsty. But the shipping clerk at the Howrah train station was evidently a man both befuddled and diligent. All the papers we received with the cub clearly stated that its name was Richard Parker, that the hunter’s first name was Thirsty and that his family name was None Given.

I’ve worked with court clerks for the past four years. The scenario presented in Life of Pi would absolutely happen in real life.

Scarlet by Marissa Meyer

Kai neared his desk again, seeing that the fugitive’s profile had been transferred to the screen. His frown deepened. Perhaps not dangerous, but young and inarguably good-looking. His prison photo showed him flippantly winking at the camera. Kai hated him immediately.

I had the exact reaction to Carswell Thorne.

My feelings haven’t changed.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

DEAR 16,

THE OTHER HAS WARNED ME OF HOW YOU INTEND TO MAKE ME MAD. BUT IN ORDER TO MAKE ME MAD, YOU MUST FIRST FIND ME AND HOW WILL YOU DO THAT. THE ANSWER IS YOU WILL NOT. I KNOW EVERY NICHE OF THESE HALLS, EVERY APSE, EVERY PLACE TO HIDE. RETURN TO YOUR OWN HALLS, 16, AND REFLECT ON YOUR WICKEDNESS.

This is honestly one of the funniest passages I have ever read.

I sent it to my friend and she couldn’t grasp why I was falling down laughing.

Help Wanted by J. Emery

Scully the hamster is still going strong though. Must be nice to be a ghost hamster. All they have to worry about is…whatever hamsters worry about, I guess. I’m not really an animal person so I wouldn’t know.

Help Wanted was a delight. The ghost hamster really sold me on it.

The Councillor by E. J. Beaton

“What were the two of you doing before, in the palace?”

In the silence that followed, Lysande considered the explanation “trying to kill each other in a book-closet” but abandoned it when she heard Litany call her name.

My college friends and I used to joke about characters making out in closets. (Incidentally, I was in one at that time.)

In The Councillor, my ship finally ended up in a closet…and both parties set about trying to kill each other.

That’s just how the book is.

The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid

The hen cocks its head.

Then it explodes.

First of all, a hen cocking its head? Hilarious. Amazing wordplay.

Second, this moment caught me off guard, so much so that I laughed.

I stopped laughing pretty quick, but this moment was fun.

I’m still laughing about the Piranesi letter.

Make like 16 and REFLECT ON YOUR WICKEDNESS.