Order whenever you’re ready.
Menu’s behind the counter.
No, don’t GO behind the counter.
Use your eyes…there you go.
Be straight with me: you’re in the market for queer fiction, yeah?
I’ve got this creepy novel about taxidermy that’s allegedly queer-adjacent.
Oh, you’re more into history?
Your choice of Seattle or Brooklyn.
Oh, historical FICTION.
Melanie Gillman’s Stage Dreams should be a nice, quick read.
I know you’ve got places to be.
Non-fat No-foam Latte
I didn’t just call you high maintenance.
I literally said nothing.
You might like this YA thriller about tightly-wound ballerinas.
Okay, fine, no YA for you.
How about Layne Fargo’s Temper?
It’s got theatre, sex, violence, sleep deprivation…
Oh, and everyone is bi, which is my dream.
I’ma send you down the comedy route with Hey Ladies!
Yes, it’s stressful, but it’s an exact representation of my female friend group.
BITCH, I AM TRYING.
Know what? You get Little Fires Everywhere.
Tell your book club.
I’m already annoyed with you.
I swear to Zeus, if you “Um, actually” me about flavor palettes and bean roasting, I will launch myself across this counter.
Let me find you something didactic.
Oh, hey. Because I’m NICE, here’s some Ta-Nehisi Coates, INCLUDING his Black Panther run.
Okaaaay then, how about Salman Rushdie?
No? Perhaps Pachinko?
UUUUUUGGGGHHHH. David Foster Wallace’s Consider the Lobster, final offer.
STOP PRETENDING TO BE LOW MAINTENANCE. YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE.
Please understand that these are a pain to make.
(I get it, though. There’s nothing better in the summertime.)
So you like fun stuff?
Sarah Dessen put out a new book recently…
Okay, here’s an anthology about summer love.
Alll riiight. This is taking ABOUT AS LONG as your coffee order, but it’s FIIIINE.
Let Me Hear a Rhyme. No, not you, that’s the name of the book.
I can’t believe you just said “more adult.”
Actually, I can. I CAN BELIEVE IT.
Waiting for Tom Hanks seems adult enough.
Or The Bookish Life of Nina Hill.
I REALLY don’t want to offer my copy of Natalie Tan’s Book of Luck and Fortune, but if you’re interested…?
No, I haven’t even STARTED on your drink.
Quad Shot Americano
My hands are already shaking.
SO MUCH CAFFEINE.
Yes, sorry, you are very important and have a lot of work to do.
How about a nice thriller?
Stuart Turton wrote this ambitious Groundhog Day-style mystery, if you…
Okay, not that.
The Mars Room seems fun…well, fun is relative…
Let’s take a different turn and try Sweetbitter.
Oh, I see, I’m wasting YOUR time.
I’ll leave a stack of David Baldaccis by the coffee sleeves and get out of your way.
Aaaah, a TEA drinker.
Is it safe to assume you’re both patient and laid-back?
Please don’t challenge that assumption; I am very fragile.
Surely YOU’D appreciate Pachinko.
Hm…perhaps The Samurai’s Garden?
You’ll have to excuse me, I don’t read a lot of SOOTHING books.
Lincoln in the Bardo seems like something you’d…okay, not that.
Middlesex is nice and slow and full of mythology references.
If you like introspection so much, take the new Karen Thompson Walker.
I’m sorry for being snippy, it’s not your fault.
Ooh, this is one I’m genuinely excited about: The Anthropology of Turquoise.
Cool, right? RIGHT?
Ugh, just take your tea and leave.
You like a little something extra, right?
How about…an epistolary romance…with TIME TRAVEL?
There’s, um, eye stuff. Hope you don’t mind that.
Okay, what else…
This anthology is about food…AND magic.
Ooooor how about…The Tempest, but as a graphic novel?
Shakespeare set in high school?
Fairy tales in space?
Jane Eyre as a ghost-busting comedy?
ROMEO AND JULIET AS A CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN ADVENTURE??
I can’t keep suggesting things. Just pick one.
DON’T YOU CHANGE YOUR ORDER NOW.
Hey, this used to be my go-to order! Good choice!
I’ve got lots of sweet books for you.
Like this one.
It’s hope-filled and honest and it made me cry.
Or this one about coconut cake.
Allegedly it’s You’ve Got Mail meets How to Eat a Cupcake.
AAAAAH, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
It’s my faaaavorite!
Burritos and friendship galore!
How about a food-themed graphic novel?
YOU WILL LOVE IT.
IT HAS DOGS.
IT’S BETTER IF YOU DON’T ASK.
I’d guess you don’t care for hype.
I have some lesser-known works by big name authors. Does that work for you?
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a book on lobster fishing.
Or Sally Rooney wrote about female friendship and depression.
Lucy Knisley’s earlier graphic novels are all travelogues.
Ooh, Audrey Niffenegger (heard of her?) wrote a novel about twins, grief, and magic.
I’D NEVER HEARD OF IT EITHER!!!
Hot chocolate? I almost forgot about you!
Makes sense. The weather’s getting colder and everything.
Whip? No whip? I’ll give you whip.
Peppermint stick? Peppermint stick.
Okay, now that you’re all nice and cozy, I got some comfort reads for ya.
Harry Potter, obviously.
I don’t care how old you are. It’ll bring back memories.
Fine, then try The Phantom Tollbooth.
Anne of Green Gables and Jane Eyre are two of my go-tos.
Goose Girl‘s nice. Kind of sad, but magic…? Eh?
Fine, if you want to be all serious, try The Tale of Two Cities.
Literally never read it, but lots of people like it.
Sorry, we’re closed.
I SAID WE’RE CLOSED.
NO MORE RECOMMENDATIONS TODAY.
That’s not my problem. Try the library.
Elliot Bay is open till 10:00!
JUST GET OUT.
My coffee order?
Soy Vanilla Latte
Yep. I’ve got alternative tastes.
Like what? Uh…
Liiiiike Sourdough! Yeah!
And Becoming Dangerous.
Okay, now we’re closed for REAL.