Posted in Books

Book Recommendations Based on Your Coffee Order

Welcome in!

Order whenever you’re ready.

black wooden dining table in a coffee shop
Raven Coffee…of course.

Menu’s behind the counter.

No, don’t GO behind the counter.

Use your eyes…there you go.

img_1107-1

Iced Coffee

clear drinking glass filled with coffee

Be straight with me: you’re in the market for queer fiction, yeah?

I’ve got this creepy novel about taxidermy that’s allegedly queer-adjacent.

Mostly Dead Things.jpg

Oh, you’re more into history?

Your choice of Seattle or Brooklyn.

 

Oh, historical FICTION.

Melanie Gillman’s Stage Dreams should be a nice, quick read.

Stage Dreams.jpg

I know you’ve got places to be.

 

Non-fat No-foam Latte

brown liquid on pink ceramic mug

I didn’t just call you high maintenance.

I literally said nothing.

You might like this YA thriller about tightly-wound ballerinas.

Tiny Pretty Things

Okay, fine, no YA for you.

How about Layne Fargo’s Temper?

Temper

It’s got theatre, sex, violence, sleep deprivation…

Oh, and everyone is bi, which is my dream.

Damn, okay.

I’ma send you down the comedy route with Hey Ladies! 

Yes, it’s stressful, but it’s an exact representation of my female friend group.

7

BITCH, I AM TRYING.

Know what? You get Little Fires Everywhere.

Little Fires Everywhere

Tell your book club.

 

Black Coffee

white baby s breath flowers beside white cup

I’m already annoyed with you.

I swear to Zeus, if you “Um, actually” me about flavor palettes and bean roasting, I will launch myself across this counter.

Let me find you something didactic.

Oh, hey. Because I’m NICE, here’s some Ta-Nehisi Coates, INCLUDING his Black Panther run.

 

Okaaaay then, how about Salman Rushdie?

Satanic Verses.jpg

No? Perhaps Pachinko?

Pachinko.jpg

UUUUUUGGGGHHHH. David Foster Wallace’s Consider the Lobster, final offer.

Consider the Lobster.jpg

STOP PRETENDING TO BE LOW MAINTENANCE. YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE.

 

Frappucino/Blended Coffee

selective focus of milkshake in a cup

Please understand that these are a pain to make.

(I get it, though. There’s nothing better in the summertime.)

So you like fun stuff?

Sarah Dessen put out a new book recently…

Rest of the Story

Okay, here’s an anthology about summer love.

Summer Days.jpg

Alll riiight. This is taking ABOUT AS LONG as your coffee order, but it’s FIIIINE.

Let Me Hear a Rhyme. No, not you, that’s the name of the book.

Let Me Hear a Rhyme.jpg

I can’t believe you just said “more adult.”

Actually, I can. I CAN BELIEVE IT.

Waiting for Tom Hanks seems adult enough.

Waiting for Tom Hanks.jpg

Or The Bookish Life of Nina Hill.

Bookish Life Nina Hill.jpg

I REALLY don’t want to offer my copy of Natalie Tan’s Book of Luck and Fortune, but if you’re interested…?

Natalie Tan Love Fortune

No, I haven’t even STARTED on your drink.

 

Quad Shot Americano

selective focus photography of espresso machine

My hands are already shaking.

SO MUCH CAFFEINE.

Yes, sorry, you are very important and have a lot of work to do.

How about a nice thriller?

Stuart Turton wrote this ambitious Groundhog Day-style mystery, if you…

Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle

Okay, not that.

The Mars Room seems fun…well, fun is relative…

Mars Room.jpg

Let’s take a different turn and try Sweetbitter.

Sweetbitter.jpg

Oh, I see, I’m wasting YOUR time.

I’ll leave a stack of David Baldaccis by the coffee sleeves and get out of your way.

 

Hot Tea

clear glass bowl beside yellow flower

Aaaah, a TEA drinker.

Is it safe to assume you’re both patient and laid-back?

Please don’t challenge that assumption; I am very fragile.

Surely YOU’D appreciate Pachinko.

Pachinko

Hm…perhaps The Samurai’s Garden?

Samurai

You’ll have to excuse me, I don’t read a lot of SOOTHING books.

Lincoln in the Bardo seems like something you’d…okay, not that.

Lincoln in the Bardo.jpg

Middlesex is nice and slow and full of mythology references.

Middlesex.jpg

If you like introspection so much, take the new Karen Thompson Walker.

Dreamers.jpg

I’m sorry for being snippy, it’s not your fault.

Ooh, this is one I’m genuinely excited about: The Anthropology of Turquoise.

Anthropology of Turquoise

Cool, right? RIGHT?

Ugh, just take your tea and leave.

 

Flavored Latte

art beverage blur caffeine

You like a little something extra, right?

How about…an epistolary romance…with TIME TRAVEL?

How You Lose the Time War

There’s, um, eye stuff. Hope you don’t mind that.

Okay, what else…

This anthology is about food…AND magic.

Hungry Hearts

Ooooor how about…The Tempest, but as a graphic novel?

The Tempest.jpg

Shakespeare set in high school?

If I'm Being Honest

Fairy tales in space?

Cinder

Jane Eyre as a ghost-busting comedy?

My Plain Jane.jpg

ROMEO AND JULIET AS A CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN ADVENTURE??

Romeo Juliet

I can’t keep suggesting things. Just pick one.

DON’T YOU CHANGE YOUR ORDER NOW.

 

Mocha Breve

aromatic art bean beverage

Hey, this used to be my go-to order! Good choice!

I’ve got lots of sweet books for you.

Like this one.

RWRB

It’s hope-filled and honest and it made me cry.

Or this one about coconut cake.

Coincidence of Coconut Cake

Allegedly it’s You’ve Got Mail meets How to Eat a Cupcake.

AAAAAH, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

TYSI

It’s my faaaavorite!

Burritos and friendship galore!

How about a food-themed graphic novel?

C&E

YOU WILL LOVE IT.

IT HAS DOGS.

IT’S BETTER IF YOU DON’T ASK.

 

Decaf

close up photo of person holding cup

I’d guess you don’t care for hype.

I have some lesser-known works by big name authors. Does that work for you?

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a book on lobster fishing.

Stern Men.jpg

Or Sally Rooney wrote about female friendship and depression.

Conversations with Friends.jpg

Lucy Knisley’s earlier graphic novels are all travelogues.

French Milk

Ooh, Audrey Niffenegger (heard of her?) wrote a novel about twins, grief, and magic.

Her Fearful Symmetry.jpg

I’D NEVER HEARD OF IT EITHER!!!

 

Hot Chocolate

coffee cup beside biscuits

Hot chocolate? I almost forgot about you!

Makes sense. The weather’s getting colder and everything.

Whip? No whip? I’ll give you whip.

Peppermint stick? Peppermint stick.

Okay, now that you’re all nice and cozy, I got some comfort reads for ya.

Harry Potter, obviously.

Harry Potter

I don’t care how old you are. It’ll bring back memories.

Fine, then try The Phantom Tollbooth.

Phantom Tollbooth.jpg

Anne of Green Gables and Jane Eyre are two of my go-tos.

 

Goose Girl‘s nice. Kind of sad, but magic…? Eh?

Goose Girl.jpg

Fine, if you want to be all serious, try The Tale of Two Cities.

Tale of Two Cities.jpg

Literally never read it, but lots of people like it.

img_1107-1

Sorry, we’re closed.

I SAID WE’RE CLOSED.

NO MORE RECOMMENDATIONS TODAY.

That’s not my problem. Try the library.

Elliot Bay is open till 10:00!

JUST GET OUT.

My coffee order?

Uhhhh…

 

Soy Vanilla Latte

blur breakfast caffeine cappuccino

Yep. I’ve got alternative tastes.

Like what? Uh…

Liiiiike Sourdough! Yeah!

And Becoming Dangerous.

And Waking the Witch, Revenge of the She-Punks, and High Heel.

Aaaaaand…aaaand…WOMAN WORLD!

Okay, now we’re closed for REAL.

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Author:

She/her. 4w3. Lover of vegan cream cheese and performative angst. Seattle-based writer currently dabbling in socialism and progressive Christianity. I love to call out, complain, overreact, analyze, and reimagine. This site contains the fruit of that labor.

10 thoughts on “Book Recommendations Based on Your Coffee Order

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