Posted in Books, Entertainment, Movies

Lupercalia Special: Let’s Talk About Ships

Happy Lupercalia!

I wanted to do something Valentine’s-themed and this is what I came up with.

This post will be a mish-mash of surprising trivia and strong opinions about various fictional romances.

As should be obvious, spoilers ahead.

goat-clipart

The Infernal Devices throuple

I just learned this bit of trivia from reading Jess’ blog post about literary romances.

Fun fact: apparently Jem, Tessa, and Will from The Infernal Devices were intended to be a throuple.

Clockwork Princess

Clockwork Princess came out in 2013 and I HATED it.

I overcame my technophobia to film and post a 20-minute rant about it. That’s how much I hated this book.

I attempted a reread in 2017 and couldn’t get through it. I was still so angry.

If the series had ended the way Cassandra Clare wanted, I would have have been even angrier.

The more I think about it, though, the throuple ending makes a lot of sense.

Anything is better than the current resolution where Tessa ends up with Will…but also Jem…at different times?

Way to be indecisive.

 

Katniss ends up alone

I can’t get over it.

I really think Katniss Everdeen should have ended up alone.

Mockingjay

Gale is an entitled Nice Guy who (probably) killed Katniss’ sister. No to Team Gale.

Peeta is…fine, but I never felt that he had any chemistry with Katniss. No to Team Peeta.

Katniss CLEARLY states many times throughout the series that she doesn’t want to fall in love or have children.

Neither of those things are in the future she imagines for herself.

I wanted a Happily Ever After catered to Katniss’ needs.

She could have stayed friends with Peeta and developed a community of survivors. Turning her into a wife and mother wasn’t necessary.

I’m still angry that Katniss and Johanna didn’t end up lifelong best friends.

I was on board with that relationship and ONLY that relationship.

ALSO, I have strong feelings about romantic relationships based on trauma bonds.

Shared trauma does not a healthy relationship make.

The whole Not-Having-Anything-Else-in-Common thing is sure to catch up with you.

 

Keladry = aromantic

Per Tamora Pierce, Keladry of Mindelan is aromantic and asexual.

First Test

Personally, Pierce’s statement feels like retroactive representation.

Based on my memory of this series (which could be inaccurate), Kel read as allo to me.

She seemed just as interested in romance as Alanna (if not moreso) and had a way more active love life than Daine.

At no point did she seem averse to or confused by or indifferent to romance.

At least, not to me.

I am willing to hear arguments to the contrary.

 

Valkyrie + Hulk = OTP

I…didn’t like Thor: Ragnarok.

Thor Ragnarok

It wasn’t for me.

I felt like the movie tried to push a Thor/Valkyrie ship and I DID NOT APPROVE.

Putting two hot people together does not guarantee chemistry.

Also, I really like Valkyrie and I don’t like Thor! My queen deserves better!

On the flip side, I DID enjoy the dynamic between Valkyrie and Bruce Banner.

That could have been a fun ship, FAR better than the Hulk/Black Widow ship of films past.

Thanks for blowing holes in my ship, Joss Whedon!

 

Aspen and America were endgame

(CW: emotional abuse, gun violence)

I really liked The Selection series (as trashy as it was) until the third book.

The One

In The One, Maxon becomes a semi-abusive, vindictive player while Aspen is all but forgotten.

Then, toward the end, a bunch of people get shot in the face.

THEN Aspen reveals he’s in love with someone else and just…never…said anything?

It’s all a bit…abrupt.

I read on TVTropes that Kiera Cass intended for Aspen and America to be endgame, only to change her mind at the last minute.

Am I to believe Cass didn’t edit The One at all?

Almost the entire novel seems to be derailing Maxon’s character, making the eventual Happily Ever After between him and America feel PRETTY JARRING.

Aspen’s resolution is also jarring.

MY DUDE. WHEN were you going to bring up your relationship with Lucy??

HOW did this even HAPPEN?

When did you find the TIME???

And NO, I am not satisfied with the explanation that Aspen MEANT to tell America but kept getting interrupted.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS BOOK???

 

Batman + Wonder Woman = no chemistry

The Justice League movie wasn’t good.

Justice Leaue

Even my beloved Ezra Miller couldn’t save it.

Even Hawaiian demigod Jason Momoa couldn’t make me like it.

Even Gal Gadot…you get the picture.

The worst part of the movie for me was the romantic subplot between Batman and Wonder Woman.

I LOOKED IT UP and apparently this ship is sort of canon.

In most versions of the relationship, the characters decide they’re better off as friends.

In my opinion, the two characters don’t have a very interesting relationship dynamic.

With that in mind…

HEY, MOVIE! COULD YOU HAVE LEFT THIS SHIP OUT OF THE FILM?

Gal Gadot has more chemistry with the CGI aliens than she does with her scripted love interest.

She and Ben Affleck have negative chemistry.

Oh, and let’s not forget that great scene where Batman insults both Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor in one breath.

I’M NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS, MOVIE.

 

Frodo x Sam

In the 2000s, people loved cracking jokes about the nature of Frodo and Sam’s relationship.

Sam Frodo

Queer fans saw them as gay. Uncomfortable straight fans saw them as gay. Clerks II claimed that they couldn’t be gay because they were hobbits.

Point being, it was hard to discuss The Lord of the Rings without tripping over Sam and Frodo.

In my very religious community, this was a point of contention. Frodo and Sam were Definitely Not Gay and any evidence to the contrary was comedy fodder.

It’s taken me almost two decades to revisit my biases about Sam and Frodo.

I have a couple of things to say:

  • Frodo and Sam’s relationship in the films comes across as heavily queer-coded.
  • The filmmakers missed an opportunity to portray a positive m/m romantic relationship.
  • The filmmakers also missed an opportunity to portray a positive queerplatonic relationship.
  • We can honor the Frodo/Sam relationship (whatever we think it is) without making queerphobic jokes.

 

Gabe Connolly x Tommy Falk

I mentioned this recently: in my headcanon, The Scorpio Races’ Gabe Connolly and Tommy Falk were in a secret relationship.

V5

A reader asked Maggie Stiefvater to confirm this once. In short, Stiefvater said that Gabe’s personal life is open to interpretation.

I stand by my headcanon…for the most part.

The Queer Tragedy aspect is not ideal.

 

Harley Quinn: Our Bi Queen

Important news: I just saw Birds of Prey.

I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT HARLEY QUINN IS BISEXUAL.

Harley

Seeing a woman in the line-up of Harley’s past relationships KNOCKED ME OUT.

HARLEY QUINN IS OUR NEW BI QUEEN. (Sorry, Valkyrie.)

TELL EVERYONE.

WHERE’S POISON IVY?

GET EMMA STONE ON THE PHONE FOR BIRDS OF PREY 2.

 

Harley Quinn x Batman

Harley names her pet hyena Bruce after that “hunky Bruce Wayne guy.”

Harley Bruce

I now wish Batman had made a cameo in Birds of Prey.

I think he and Harley could be really fun together! (More fun than Batman and Wonder Woman. YIKES.)

Refer back to my entry on complementary personalities.

Birds of Prey 3 co-starring Robert Pattinson, please.

 

Harley Quinn x egg sandwich

My favorite ship in Birds of Prey was Harley Quinn and her egg sandwich.

Harley eg sandwich

The death of the egg sandwich broke my heart.

If the whole film had been an egg sandwich revenge movie, I would have enjoyed it just as much.

 

Me x Birds of Prey

I might be in love with this movie, if you couldn’t tell.

Birds of Prey

I can’t stop listening to the soundtrack.

My friend was telling me about the rumored Gotham City Sirens sequel yesterday and I squealed.

Could it be that I like superhero movies now?

goat-clipart

Happy Lupercalia, fam!

If you have any romantic theories, trivia, or opinions, PLEASE share them below.

My ears are wide open.

Author:

She/her. Lover of cheese and performative angst. I love to call out, complain, overreact, analyze, and reimagine. This site contains the fruit of that labor.

3 thoughts on “Lupercalia Special: Let’s Talk About Ships

  1. Oh man, I didn’t know that about Keladry being reconned as ace/aro. I don’t know what I feel about that. I could maybe (maybe) be convinced that she was asexual but certainly not aromatic but even that would be a hard sell as she had quite a few romantic crushes (and one ill-fated romance) over the years and that felt organic not preformative. Uh, I’m probably going to have to think about this some more but my gut agrees with you.

    As to the Valkyrie x Hulk, I thought they were cute (much more so than Bruce x Natasha) with a nice vibe where he so very obviously thought she was cool. Funny thing is that I didn’t feel anything about Bruce x Valkyrie which is some trippy identity stuff, but I think she really would have dug the smushed Bruce/Hulk that we got in Endgame.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right!? I feel conflicted about it because maybe I missed something in the text. Like you said, though, her crushes seemed organic, not performative, and Pierce’s other queer characters are comparatively easy to pick out. (Though, to be honest, a lot of it is subtext.)

      Yes to Endgame Bruce and Valkyrie! I feel like it could have been a really fun slow burn!

      Liked by 1 person

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