R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 9

For round 9, I picked

Ryan from You Know Me Well
and
Catherine Morland from Northanger Abbey

Background
How do you know Ryan is a serious artist? He writes SLAM POETRY and works on a LITERARY JOURNAL, two things that would make him cool if he wasn’t such a terrible friend. Ryan pretends his “friends with benefits” relationship never happened. When confronted, HE NEVER APOLOGIZES. His feelings eclipse every wrong he’s ever done. In short, Ryan is the WORST.

And then we have Catherine Morland, the patron saint of stupidity. Young, fanciful, and dumb as a rock, she creates AN ENTIRE MURDER PLOT out of nothing. That’s not fanciful; that’s insane. I don’t love that when people think of “bookish” characters, they list Hermione Granger, Harriet the Spy, and her. THIS IS NOT THE CHAMPION I ASKED FOR!

The Couple
Well…they’ve tied for first in my Most Hated Character contest.

Ryan loves slapping ill-fitting labels on himself and others; for instance, he, the oblivious, self-centered tool, is the Sensitive Artist, while his emotionally-savvy best friend is the Dumb Jock.

Catherine sees things that aren’t real. She would buy into Ryan’s broody shtick real fast. She might even see good qualities he CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE. Ryan must be who he says he is; Catherine’s read plenty of books with Sensitive Artists in them!

PEOPLE ARE MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT, CATHERINE.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on the fact that I despise Catherine Morland.

EVEN SO, I can’t help but think of the devastating fallout ahead.

Do you know how much energy it takes to feed someone’s self-perception? Constantly feeding another person’s ego while they roil with “torment” kills relationships.

What happens when Ryan’s facade finally fails and Catherine sees there’s nothing there?

She’ll discover that her relationship, much like creating murder mysteries out of thin air, has been a complete waste of time.

I wouldn’t wish that on ANYONE.

Verdict: R.I.P. IT