Posted in Television

How to Ship the Sailor Senshi

In 2012, I came across a drawing of the Sailor Senshi with their season 1 nemeses the Shittenou.

Related image
Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask tries to kiss an unconscious Usagi YET AGAIN.

I didn’t think much of it. I considered it author art.

If I were a mangaka, I would draw speculative crack ships ALL the TIME.

Then, through rumor and conjecture, I learned this drawing referenced a scrapped sideplot that paired these characters for REAL.

These pairings are apparently confirmed in Sailor Moon Crystal.

That would be fine, except…

…NONE OF THE PAIRINGS MAKE ANY SENSE. Continue reading “How to Ship the Sailor Senshi”

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Posted in Books, Movies, Television

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 12

For round 12, I picked

Mia Thermopolis from The Princess Diaries
and
Princess Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Background
Mia started as an awkward nobody with bad hair until her father revealed their royal lineage. Now she’s an awkward somebody with slightly better hair and control over a small European principality.

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Much to her dismay.

Azula, the Fire Lord’s favorite child, prefers flunkies to friends. She pursues fratricide with dogmatic devotion and nearly succeeds. World domination she saves for her nights off.

Casual
This is CASUAL Azula.

The Couple
For eight books, Mia’s main antagonist is Lana Weinberger, a catty cheerleader who bullies Mia’s friends.

To get Azula, take Lana and add firepower and a predilection for murder.

Yeah, that’ll work. Nothing says love quite like torment.

I love villain ships, but come on.

“Opposites attract” won’t fly here. Mia donated her entire salary to Greenpeace. Azula eats puppies.

Image result for sad puppy
Probably.

Mia has never been much of a flunkie. She lacks the sunny confidence or cool indifference necessary to put up with Azula. Mia is too high-strung to handle a princess one bad hair day away from a breakdown.

There it is
Too late!

Verdict: R.I.P. IT

Posted in Books, Movies, Television, Theater

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 10

For round 10, I picked

Kyo Sohma from Fruits Basket
and
Mark Cohen from RENT

Background
Kyo Sohma can turn into a cat. That’s kind of his thing. If involuntarily turning into an adorable animal isn’t embarrassing enough, he’s an outcast in his own family, forced to spend the remainder of his life in a locked room.

Image result for kyo sohma true form
Mostly because this…happens…sometimes…

Mark Cohen hates paying rent almost as much as he hates the virus that keeps killing off his closest friends. He struggles to create while squatting with his best friend Roger in New York.

Art
Art is hard, guys.

The Couple
Kyo hates everything and everyone and expresses all emotions as poisonous rage.

Kyo gif
Our romantic lead, everyone.

Mark hates plenty – his parents, his job, Roger’s abandonment issues – but prefers to observe rather than engage. According to Roger, Mark uses art to numb his emotions so he doesn’t have to face them…ever. In fact, he only really brings up his feelings as a way to win arguments or push people away.

Blow off auntie Em

Two people actively pushing each other away? That screams health to me.

Maybe, despite all this, these two can work it out. The two have complementary personality traits: Kyo is loud, Mark is quiet; Kyo is aggressive, Mark is passive-aggressive; Kyo perceives constant rejection as a result of his family’s hatred, Mark experiences crushing loneliness despite group acceptance…

Now that I think about it, Mark has a lot in common with Yuki Sohma, Kyo’s canon rival.

How did that relationship work out again?

Adorable fighting
Oh.

Verdict: R.I.P. It

Posted in Books

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 9

For round 9, I picked

Ryan from You Know Me Well
and
Catherine Morland from Northanger Abbey

Background
How do you know Ryan is a serious artist? He writes SLAM POETRY and works on a LITERARY JOURNAL, two things that would make him cool if he wasn’t such a terrible friend. Ryan pretends his “friends with benefits” relationship never happened. When confronted, HE NEVER APOLOGIZES. His feelings eclipse every wrong he’s ever done. In short, Ryan is the WORST.

Ryan
“I’m the real victim here!”

And then we have Catherine Morland, the patron saint of stupidity. Young, fanciful, and dumb as a rock, she creates AN ENTIRE MURDER PLOT out of nothing. That’s not fanciful; that’s insane. I don’t love that when people think of “bookish” characters, they list Hermione Granger, Harriet the Spy, and her. THIS IS NOT THE CHAMPION I ASKED FOR!

Ruining
Catherine Morland: ruining reading for women since 1817.

The Couple
Well…they’ve tied for first in my Most Hated Character contest.

Ryan loves slapping ill-fitting labels on himself and others; for instance, he, the oblivious, self-centered tool, is the Sensitive Artist, while his emotionally-savvy best friend is the Dumb Jock.

Related image
Cute.

Catherine sees things that aren’t real. She would buy into Ryan’s broody shtick real fast. She might even see good qualities he CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE. Ryan must be who he says he is; Catherine’s read plenty of books with Sensitive Artists in them!

PEOPLE ARE MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT, CATHERINE.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on the fact that I despise Catherine Morland.

Image result for catherine morland
I’M NOT SORRY

EVEN SO, I can’t help but think of the devastating fallout ahead.

Do you know how much energy it takes to feed someone’s self-perception? Constantly feeding another person’s ego while they roil with “torment” kills relationships.

What happens when Ryan’s facade finally fails and Catherine sees there’s nothing there?

She’ll discover that her relationship, much like creating murder mysteries out of thin air, has been a complete waste of time.

I wouldn’t wish that on ANYONE.

Verdict: R.I.P. IT

Posted in Books, Movies

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 8

For round 8, I picked

Harriet Smith from Emma
and
General Hux from Star Wars

Background
According to Regency social conventions, Harriet Smith is worth nothing. An ungenerous person might call her an uneducated upstart with no class or personality. A petty person might comment on her annoying voice. A cruel person might call her “naive” or “spineless.” That is just a sampler of things someone might say about Miss Smith.

Image result for emma harriet smith
Keep reading, I have plenty more to say

General Hux serves as Kylo Ren’s competent foil. Where Ren strikes fear, Hux commands respect. Where Ren overreacts, Hux maintains order. Hux will let no idiot stand between him and his plans.

Enough
Okay, sorry!

The Couple
I-

Hux yelling

I just-

Fire

Should I be shipping this!?

Hello no.gif

What can I say here?

Hux would not hesitate to blasterbolt Harriet in her stupid face the minute she became a load.

If she became a load, that is. Harriet has no opinions of her own, making her easy to manipulate. Need a loyal soldier to the First Order? Tell Harriet Hux has a crush on her. I can see her being of use in different areas: the First Order’s laundry division; on the bridge of a Star Destroyer; as Hux’s assistant with a cute little datapad. The woman just needs a job.

So it comes down to Hux: destroy a useless nobody with an annoying voice or retain her fawning idiocy for his own purposes?

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Decisions, decisions…

 

Sorry, buddy. I’m making this call.

Verdict: SHIP IT

Posted in Books, Movies, Television

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 7

For round 7, I picked

Harry Potter from The Harry Potter series
and
Prince Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Background
Harry Potter survived a Killing Curse when he was a baby. Harry Potter is the youngest Quidditch player in a century. Harry Potter can talk to snakes. Harry Potter is “special,” a status he does not enjoy.

So done

Banished from his kingdom, the character formerly known as Prince Zuko was given an impossible task by his father: find and capture the missing Avatar. Aided by his uncle, Zuko seeks redemption. He will regain his place! He will impress his father! He will roll his eyes at his uncle’s stupid jokes!

Will this save as a gif
While sulking!

The Couple
For as many advantages as Harry has, he lacks supportive father figures as the ones around him keep dying. I doubt he’d have much patience for a prince who resents his loving, living uncle. Plus, Harry’s never been impressed by social standing; he chose a blood traitor and a know-it-all Mudblood as his best friends. How much would he enjoy a partner who wishes he was still a prince?

Draco
Who does that sound like?

On Zuko’s end, I doubt he would care for a Chosen One who squanders all his influence. Zuko may be banished from the Fire Nation, but he still uses Fire Nation resources to track the Avatar. Harry could have whatever he wants, yet he would rather hang out with his friends than seize power.

Zuko’s penchant for betrayal dooms this couple. Harry would NEVER leave his uncle rotting in prison. Zuko sent his uncle to jail ON PURPOSE.

Best Harry Potter picture
“UNACCEPTABLE!”

Verdict: R.I.P. IT

Posted in Books, Television

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 5

For round 5, I picked

Athos from BBC’s The Musketeers
and
Adam Parrish from The Raven Cycle

Background
While he has clear motivations, Adam Parrish retains the most moral ambiguity of the four Raven Boys. Though he pursues power and status without ever turning villainous, he also terrifies his girlfriend, resents his best friend’s wealth, and tries to drive away the greatest of teen fantasy protagonists. Despite attempts to tamp down his emotions, his presence suffuses scenes with barely-concealed rage.

Athos loves whining almost as much as he loves wine. He can’t help it; his life is SO HARD and don’t you forget it! It’s not his fault! He was forced to execute his wife after she killed his lecherous brother in self-defense! He can’t help that he breaks up with women repeatedly – he’s too damaged! Yes, his best friend might have been dying of an ax wound that one time, but taking said friend to Athos’ old estate would have been too painful!

Pictured: 3 seasons of B-plot

The Couple
First off, I have qualms about pairing someone with an abusive past with this guy:

But for real
Off to a solid start! 

The two have some things in common. Adam and Athos both experience angst. The difference: Athos mopes, Adam seethes.

Both have a strong sense of injustice, though Athos deadens his with a bottle of wine.

Adam’s utter rejection of his roots has led to overwork and desperate social climbing. He hates people born into privilege. I doubt he would understand someone forgoing a life of privilege because it made them too sad.

Atho’s drinking has killed off any potential empathy for Adam’s social situation. Adam wants the advantages money brings real bad. Any attempts to explain this would launch Athos into a story of his own former glory, complete with drinking and weeping.

Adam is the eyes and ears of Cabeswater, Athos; he does not have time for your dead wife.

Saddest puppy
“No one does…”

 

Verdict: R.I.P. It