To the anonymous reader who typed “fruits basket ship or rip” into search terms to find my blog: what a GENIUS idea. Continue reading “R.I.P. It or Ship It: Fruits Basket Edition”
In 2012, I came across a drawing of the Sailor Senshi with their season 1 nemeses the Shittenou.
I didn’t think much of it. I considered it author art.
If I were a mangaka, I would draw speculative crack ships ALL the TIME.
Then, through rumor and conjecture, I learned this drawing referenced a scrapped sideplot that paired these characters for REAL.
These pairings are apparently confirmed in Sailor Moon Crystal.
That would be fine, except…
…NONE OF THE PAIRINGS MAKE ANY SENSE. Continue reading “How to Ship the Sailor Senshi”
For round 12, I picked
Mia started as an awkward nobody with bad hair until her father revealed their royal lineage. Now she’s an awkward somebody with slightly better hair and control over a small European principality.
Azula, the Fire Lord’s favorite child, prefers flunkies to friends. She pursues fratricide with dogmatic devotion and nearly succeeds. World domination she saves for her nights off.
For eight books, Mia’s main antagonist is Lana Weinberger, a catty cheerleader who bullies Mia’s friends.
To get Azula, take Lana and add firepower and a predilection for murder.
Yeah, that’ll work. Nothing says love quite like torment.
“Opposites attract” won’t fly here. Mia donated her entire salary to Greenpeace. Azula eats puppies.
Mia has never been much of a flunkie. She lacks the sunny confidence or cool indifference necessary to put up with Azula. Mia is too high-strung to handle a princess one bad hair day away from a breakdown.
Verdict: R.I.P. IT
For round 10, I picked
Kyo Sohma can turn into a cat. That’s kind of his thing. If involuntarily turning into an adorable animal isn’t embarrassing enough, he’s an outcast in his own family, forced to spend the remainder of his life in a locked room.
Mark Cohen hates paying rent almost as much as he hates the virus that keeps killing off his closest friends. He struggles to create while squatting with his best friend Roger in New York.
Kyo hates everything and everyone and expresses all emotions as poisonous rage.
Mark hates plenty – his parents, his job, Roger’s abandonment issues – but prefers to observe rather than engage. According to Roger, Mark uses art to numb his emotions so he doesn’t have to face them…ever. In fact, he only really brings up his feelings as a way to win arguments or push people away.
Two people actively pushing each other away? That screams health to me.
Maybe, despite all this, these two can work it out. The two have complementary personality traits: Kyo is loud, Mark is quiet; Kyo is aggressive, Mark is passive-aggressive; Kyo perceives constant rejection as a result of his family’s hatred, Mark experiences crushing loneliness despite group acceptance…
Now that I think about it, Mark has a lot in common with Yuki Sohma, Kyo’s canon rival.
How did that relationship work out again?
Verdict: R.I.P. It
For round 9, I picked
Ryan from You Know Me Well
Catherine Morland from Northanger Abbey
How do you know Ryan is a serious artist? He writes SLAM POETRY and works on a LITERARY JOURNAL, two things that would make him cool if he wasn’t such a terrible friend. Ryan pretends his “friends with benefits” relationship never happened. When confronted, HE NEVER APOLOGIZES. His feelings eclipse every wrong he’s ever done. In short, Ryan is the WORST.
And then we have Catherine Morland, the patron saint of stupidity. Young, fanciful, and dumb as a rock, she creates AN ENTIRE MURDER PLOT out of nothing. That’s not fanciful; that’s insane. I don’t love that when people think of “bookish” characters, they list Hermione Granger, Harriet the Spy, and her. THIS IS NOT THE CHAMPION I ASKED FOR!
Well…they’ve tied for first in my Most Hated Character contest.
Ryan loves slapping ill-fitting labels on himself and others; for instance, he, the oblivious, self-centered tool, is the Sensitive Artist, while his emotionally-savvy best friend is the Dumb Jock.
Catherine sees things that aren’t real. She would buy into Ryan’s broody shtick real fast. She might even see good qualities he CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE. Ryan must be who he says he is; Catherine’s read plenty of books with Sensitive Artists in them!
PEOPLE ARE MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT, CATHERINE.
I don’t know if you’ve picked up on the fact that I despise Catherine Morland.
EVEN SO, I can’t help but think of the devastating fallout ahead.
Do you know how much energy it takes to feed someone’s self-perception? Constantly feeding another person’s ego while they roil with “torment” kills relationships.
What happens when Ryan’s facade finally fails and Catherine sees there’s nothing there?
She’ll discover that her relationship, much like creating murder mysteries out of thin air, has been a complete waste of time.
I wouldn’t wish that on ANYONE.
Verdict: R.I.P. IT
For round 8, I picked
Harriet Smith from Emma
General Hux from Star Wars
According to Regency social conventions, Harriet Smith is worth nothing. An ungenerous person might call her an uneducated upstart with no class or personality. A petty person might comment on her annoying voice. A cruel person might call her “naive” or “spineless.” That is just a sampler of things someone might say about Miss Smith.
General Hux serves as Kylo Ren’s competent foil. Where Ren strikes fear, Hux commands respect. Where Ren overreacts, Hux maintains order. Hux will let no idiot stand between him and his plans.
Should I be shipping this!?
What can I say here?
Hux would not hesitate to blasterbolt Harriet in her stupid face the minute she became a load.
If she became a load, that is. Harriet has no opinions of her own, making her easy to manipulate. Need a loyal soldier to the First Order? Tell Harriet Hux has a crush on her. I can see her being of use in different areas: the First Order’s laundry division; on the bridge of a Star Destroyer; as Hux’s assistant with a cute little datapad. The woman just needs a job.
So it comes down to Hux: destroy a useless nobody with an annoying voice or retain her fawning idiocy for his own purposes?
Sorry, buddy. I’m making this call.
Verdict: SHIP IT