Posted in Television

How to Ship the Sailor Senshi

In 2012, I came across a drawing of the Sailor Senshi with their season 1 nemeses the Shittenou.

Related image
Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask tries to kiss an unconscious Usagi YET AGAIN.

I didn’t think much of it. I considered it author art.

If I were a mangaka, I would draw speculative crack ships ALL the TIME.

Then, through rumor and conjecture, I learned this drawing referenced a scrapped sideplot that paired these characters for REAL.

These pairings are apparently confirmed in Sailor Moon Crystal.

That would be fine, except…

…NONE OF THE PAIRINGS MAKE ANY SENSE.

Were these ships completely ARBITRARY?

Did they come from a period where the Shittenou and Sailor Senshi’s personalities were interchangeable?

You want to villain ship? Fine.

Here’s how to do it PROPERLY.

 

BAD: Sailor Mercury x Zoisite

ARE YOU INSANE?

How does this pairing make ANY sense?

To me, this is the most ill-matched ship of the bunch.

I guess both characters are smart?

That alone does not a relationship make!

BETTER: Sailor Mercury x Kunzite

SO MUCH BETTER.

His white hair, dark skin, and light eyes pair perfectly with Ami’s penchant for blue.

Here, you have a stoic gentleman with a demure lady.

Oh, the contrast.

Color coordination + traditional gender roles = match made in heaven.

ROMANTIC RIVAL: Ryo “Greg” Urawa

Greg

Who does Ami choose: her smart, psychic classmate or her charming enemy?

I really want more episodes with Greg, okay?

And, knowing Kunzite wouldn’t feel REMOTELY threatened by Greg, I can’t wait to laugh and laugh.

 

BAD: Sailor Venus x Kunzite

I mean…they both have long hair?

And they’re both the leaders of their respective crews? (At least, I think. I’ve read conflicting information about which characters constitute the “leader.”)

But that’s it.

Not enough aesthetic appeal or personality clash.

BETTER: Sailor Venus x Jadeite

YES, I PAIRED THE TWO BLONDES TOGETHER FOR CONVENIENCE’S SAKE.

They have potential!

Venus is all powerful light energy. Jadeite is a charming, manipulative creep.

THINK OF THE CONTRAST AND POWER PLAYS.

Healthy? No.

We don’t ship healthy here.

We ship interesting.

ROMANTIC RIVAL: Motoki Furuhata

Motoki

YES, I CHOSE ANOTHER BLONDE.

Just think about it.

Contrast Motoki, a nice guy with boundless light energy and a similar personality to Venus, with Jadeite, the fascinating, opposites-attract trashfire of a partner.

Motoki might even win out in the end! I’m not opposed.

 

BAD: Sailor Jupiter x Nephrite

They’re both tall…and have luscious brown hair.

I suspect, though, that Naoko Takeuchi made a desperate “Let’s get the brunettes out of the way” decision while drawing.

This ship doesn’t convince me.

BETTER: Sailor Jupiter x Zoisite

I mean, come ON.

Matching ponytails!?!?

Zoisite’s penchant for roses…plus Jupiter’s rose earrings!?

IMAGINE THEM OPENING A FLOWER SHOP TOGETHER.

Jupiter’s first episode has her physically confront the elusive Zoisite.

It was the only episode I’ve seen that convinced me of the Sailor Senshi x Shittenou possibility.

At least these two have chemistry.

I like the dynamic of Jupiter constantly confronting and Zoisite constantly evading.

What a frustrating puzzle

ROMANTIC RIVAL(S): Queen Beryl and Kunzite

Am I a genius or what?

Probably. Mensa won’t return my calls.

I see massive Foe Yay potential between Beryl and Jupiter.

They’re both feisty redheads (kinda) and Zoisite acts as a convincing foil for both.

As for Kunzite:

Will Jupiter be tempted by Kunzite’s chivalry?

Will Zoisite return to his former lover?

You’re welcome for that award-winning fanfic.

 

BAD: Sailor Mars x Jadeite

I’ve read A LOT of Sailor Moon trivia and fan theories in my lifetime.

Various wikis and websites have tried to convince me that this ship has the most canon potential.

You know, because Mars once called Jadeite “handsome” or something.

Nope. I don’t buy it.

Sure, in some ways, it’s perfect; this ship shunts my two least favorite characters from each bunch off to the side.

I can’t live with that, though.

I want to be invested in Mars’ love life…and keep her away from Tuxedo Mask.

BETTER: Sailor Mars x Nephrite

Two words: Masato Sanjoin.

Rei’s canon crush is the dashing, formally-dressed Tuxedo Mask.

Posing as handsome playboy Masato Sanjoin, Nephrite pulls such stunts as driving fancy cars and front-flipping over fences.

At one point, he even DRESSES AS TUXEDO MASK.

He’s the perfect replacement.

ADMIT IT: they look GREAT together.

They would win Best Couple AND Best Hair.

ROMANTIC RIVAL: Yuuichirou “Chad” Kumada

Chad

Yuuichirou is Nephrite without charisma…or hair product.

Which would Rei prefer: the guy who has it all together or the guy with potential?

 

I was going to brag about perfectly matching the Sailor Senshi’s uniform colors to the Shittenou’s uniform trim.

I didn’t quite do it, though.

Uniform color alone would put Venus with Nephrite (not a bad alternate ship) and keep Mars with Jadeite (SO BORING.)

In my defense, I do believe I used the word “better,” not “perfect,” to describe these ships.

The mismatched colors don’t bother me AT ALL.

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Author:

She/her. 4w3. Lover of vegan cream cheese and performative angst. In 2014, tired of my pop culture rants, my mom told me, "You should start a blog!" In 2015, needing a place to gush about the new Star Wars trilogy, I created this site. In 2016, while working an insane schedule at the local bakery, I stopped writing. That same year, I moved to Seattle. Picture every fresh-faced young woman you've ever seen stepping out of a taxi in a movie. That was me...only with a lot more anxiety and shorter hair. Living here has been a trip. I'm not always happy, but I find plenty of stuff to write about. I love to call out, complain, overreact, analyze, and reimagine. This site contains the fruit of that labor.

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