Just giving the people what they want.
To the anonymous reader who typed “fruits basket ship or rip” into search terms to find my blog: what a GENIUS idea. Continue reading “R.I.P. It or Ship It: Fruits Basket Edition”
I keep about a dozen franchises locked away in my brain with one or two favorite characters from each.
Because of this, I have the hardest time picking characters for challenges like R.I.P. It or Ship It, especially when I’m limited to BOOKS.
Which is NONSENSE.
Instead of choosing 30 characters, I only used characters from my Funko Pop! collection (with some additional plushies and figurines thrown in.)
Using only my collection, I counted 24 characters (not including repeats.)
I own too many Pop! figurines.
BUT, by picking names out of my Great Gays of History mug, I got some interesting couples out of the deal.
Let the shipping COMMENCE. Continue reading “The Triumphant Return of R.I.P. It or Ship It”
For round 15, I picked
Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars
Cress Darnell from The Lunar Chronicles
Anakin Skywalker feels very attacked right now because EVERYONE KEEPS TREATING HIM LIKE A CHILD. Thought to be the Chosen One, Anakin excels in acting rashly and crying about it later. His flirting skills need WORK.
Forced out of Lunar society, Cress Darnell spent most of her youth on a satellite hacking Earth’s security feed. Easily impressed, Cress swoons over scoundrels and expresses delight in mundane things like sand. Her flirting skills, along with her life skills, do not exist. Girl is DUMB.
Alas, Anakin’s hatred for sand might keep these two apart.
I find it hard to ship someone as unlikable as Anakin. Who wouldn’t be disillusioned by all that child murder? Or, you know…regular murder?
But come on. These two have plenty in common, including childhood enslavement and a love of space travel.
Sure, there are things to dislike about this pairing. Rage. Jealousy. A disturbing height difference.
And, yes, the character Cress fears most is an angry giant with murderous instincts…which pretty much describes Anakin.
Know what? I don’t care.
At least this dynamic is interesting.
At least there’s contrast.
IT’S NOT TILNEY AND LUPIN. THAT’S ALL I CARE ABOUT.
This is the final round and I’m calling it.
Verdict: SHIP IT
For round 14, I picked
Remus Lupin from The Harry Potter series
Henry Tilney from Northanger Abbey
Remus Lupin taught at Hogwarts until Lucius Malfoy outed him as a werewolf. He loves chocolate, books, and acts of bravery. He also briefly abandoned his pregnant wife and I’m still not over it.
Perfect party host Henry Tilney flirts with everyone without making it weird. He teases without overstepping. He even puts up with idiotic heroines for the sake of romantic resolution. That takes class.
I can’t think of a more boring couple.
What would they do together? Drink tea? Talk about books? Hide Lupin’s monthly transformations from Henry’s family?
You KNOW a ship is boring when I have to use CATHERINE MORLAND as my punchline.
Sure, Henry’s shares personality traits with Remus’ closest friends…but is that enough?
And Remus used to be a notorious prankster…but now? He’s so stodgy! He would grade papers during Harry’s parties…while wearing a cardigan. (Sidebar: Why was Remus friends with the Marauders? Why am I questioning canon? THIS SHIP IS DESTROYING MY LOVE FOR HARRY POTTER!!)
Until this pairing, I didn’t think anything could be worse than both these characters’ ACTUAL CANON SHIPS.
I didn’t come here to be bored.
Verdict: R.I.P. IT
For round 13, I picked
Kate runs away from things. She dedicates her painting portfolio to a girl she won’t speak to and ditches a lifelong friend for an understanding acquaintance. She freaks out and changes her mind over and over but rarely tells people why.
Shigure plays dumb so well almost no one suspects him. He uses his trashy romance novels as a cover for more devious schemes. His closest friends don’t know what he wants; they just know he’s up to something.
I know I said I aged up the characters, but…
…Shigure loves high school girls.
One of Shigure’s exes described him as a ripple on water; every time you try to get close, he moves away. Now that I think of it, he embodies the lyrics to “Marry Me A Little” almost perfectly. I didn’t think that was possible.
Kate admits she’s kind of a mess. Romance terrifies her; college freaks her out. She buys people artichokes instead of flowers…when she decides to show up. With the amount of overwhelm she experiences, Kate can only handle one day at a time. (There were several solid title puns in that sentence, but I resisted.)
Luckily for her, Shigure wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t invest either. Shigure’s not one for moving forward; he stays firmly in the moment. Others running away has never bothered him; he’s good at biding his time.
These two wouldn’t help each other grow. This pairing doesn’t burst with health. I don’t want to be on board, but the rapport between these two makes sense.
To be clear, I don’t condone settling. AT THE SAME TIME…these characters both struggle to make healthy choices. Why push them to do better when this easy dynamic exists?
IN CONCLUSION, these characters are confused…and so am I.
Verdict: SHIP IT????
For round 12, I picked
Mia started as an awkward nobody with bad hair until her father revealed their royal lineage. Now she’s an awkward somebody with slightly better hair and control over a small European principality.
Azula, the Fire Lord’s favorite child, prefers flunkies to friends. She pursues fratricide with dogmatic devotion and nearly succeeds. World domination she saves for her nights off.
For eight books, Mia’s main antagonist is Lana Weinberger, a catty cheerleader who bullies Mia’s friends.
To get Azula, take Lana and add firepower and a predilection for murder.
Yeah, that’ll work. Nothing says love quite like torment.
“Opposites attract” won’t fly here. Mia donated her entire salary to Greenpeace. Azula eats puppies.
Mia has never been much of a flunkie. She lacks the sunny confidence or cool indifference necessary to put up with Azula. Mia is too high-strung to handle a princess one bad hair day away from a breakdown.
Verdict: R.I.P. IT