Real Life

2019 Recap: Farewell to an Exhausting Year

Where do I even start?

A fair number of big things happened in 2019.

I am, to put it mildly, pretty tired.

Here’s why.


I Went Vegan

One of the main tenets of Methodism is “Do no harm.”

In 2019, I tried to minimize the harm I cause, starting with what I eat.

I’m pretty flexible in my consumption; I only draw the line at eating meat.

It is what it is.


The Methodist Vote

The driving question at last year’s special General Conference: as Methodists, should we let queer people lead congregations and get married in our churches?

The answer, according to 53% of the delegates: no.

Some recent news makes last year’s vote sting a bit less, but make no mistake – it was a difficult year.


(The next two entries cover rape, sexual abuse, and spiritual abuse.)



The Southern Baptist sex abuse scandal

This scandal was the source of a lot of grief last year.

Many were heartbroken by news of Southern Baptist sexual abuse.

I was livid.

I KNEW that people I used to go to church with would side with the abusers.

Case in point: I told a friend about the article and her first reaction was, “Those poor men!”

Responses like these are both discouraging and exhausting.

I’m still angry.

No more excuses. The numbers in the report point to a structural issue of some kind.

Figure out what it is and FIX IT.


Religious Exhaustion

After the above-mentioned church issues, I lost patience with the Christian community’s obsession with minutiae.

BIG things are happening and y’all are still arguing about the exact definition of “refugee?”

I don’t have the energy to engage anymore.



(Discussion of rape, sexual abuse, and spiritual abuse ends here)


I Came Out

This year, I informed my family and friends that BI THE WAY, I’m bisexual.

Being myself feels really good.

Before and after I came out, I thought a lot about a certain line from Love, Simon:

You get to exhale now, Simon.


I’m exhaling.



I Started Dating Again

By which I mean I dated one person from March to September.

I feel moderately optimistic about my next relationship, though, so that’s something!


Important People Died

In April, after spending several weeks in a coma, Christian author Rachel Held Evans passed away.

Queer Christians were devastated by her loss.

Rachel was my strongest connection to the Christian community. She made the church a better, more inclusive place.

When she died, I felt like my invitation to belong died with her.

Then, in August, my coworker was killed in a car accident on her way to work.

My teammates and I miss her a lot.


I Quit Improv Classes

I stopped having fun in my improv classes – mainly due to a style difference between myself and the improv school – so I bailed on future classes.

I still perform and attend shows with my friends.

Otherwise, I’m leaving my schedule open for other (read: more fun) activities.


I Socialized

I’ve been hanging out at home by myself for a long time.

Friends offered to keep me company, but I never felt the need.

After finding a working medication and spending time in therapy, I found myself with a lot of extra energy.

What should I use it for?

Why, making friends, of course!

I spent the last four months of 2019 making time for friends and meeting new people at group events.

I’m more connected than I’ve been in years.

It feels great.


I Joined a Queer Writing Group

We’re still finding our feet after NaNoWriMo and the holidays, but it’s always lovely to meet together.

We like to drink tea and yell about books.

Somewhere in there, we get writing done.

I’ve never been part of a writing group before. It’s thrilling.


The Year of Disappointing Sequels

A lot of sequels came out this year and I didn’t like a one.

Well, that’s an exaggeration. I liked Call Down the Hawk well enough, though it didn’t overwhelm me the way Stiefvater’s books usually do.

Wayward Son was actively terrible. The barely-there plot was stretched too thin, so the book relied on wacky shenanigans to compensate.

I haven’t hated a book this strongly in a long time.

Lastly, I saw The Rise of Skywalker.

I was beyond disappointed in it.

Fans deserved a better film.

That’s all I want to say about it for the time being.


I Wrote a New Adult Novel



I want to work on a second draft, but I don’t know where to start.

No matter! I want to see this project through and that’s all that matters!


The Year I Rode a Train

I traveled to Portland ON A TRAIN with a bunch of strangers.

It was terrifying.

I had a great time.



I saw a president impeached in my lifetime.

Let’s make removing him from office our new year’s resolution, shall we?


I Befriended my Brother’s Dog

This is a huge deal.

Maxwell’s been afraid of me for four whole years.

He now feels comfortable LICKING MY ARMPITS.


I Finally Moved

I lived in Chinatown way longer than I wanted.

I finally got out and I am THRILLED.

Weekends used to mean either barricading myself inside or escaping to Capitol Hill.





That was 2019.

No idea what to expect this year.

Hopefully 2020 is as good as Cats was.

At the very least, I hope it’s better than The Rise of Skywalker.

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