R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 8

For round 8, I picked

Harriet Smith from Emma
and
General Hux from Star Wars

Background
According to Regency social conventions, Harriet Smith is worth nothing. An ungenerous person might call her an uneducated upstart with no class or personality. A petty person might comment on her annoying voice. A cruel person might call her “naive” or “spineless.” That is just a sampler of things someone might say about Miss Smith.

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Keep reading, I have plenty more to say

General Hux serves as Kylo Ren’s competent foil. Where Ren strikes fear, Hux commands respect. Where Ren overreacts, Hux maintains order. Hux will let no idiot stand between him and his plans.

Enough
Okay, sorry!

The Couple
I-

Hux yelling

I just-

Fire

Should I be shipping this!?

Hello no.gif

What can I say here?

Hux would not hesitate to blasterbolt Harriet in her stupid face the minute she became a load.

If she became a load, that is. Harriet has no opinions of her own, making her easy to manipulate. Need a loyal soldier to the First Order? Tell Harriet Hux has a crush on her. I can see her being of use in different areas: the First Order’s laundry division; on the bridge of a Star Destroyer; as Hux’s assistant with a cute little datapad. The woman just needs a job.

So it comes down to Hux: destroy a useless nobody with an annoying voice or retain her fawning idiocy for his own purposes?

Related image
Decisions, decisions…

 

Sorry, buddy. I’m making this call.

Verdict: SHIP IT

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R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 7

For round 7, I picked

Harry Potter from The Harry Potter series
and
Prince Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Background
Harry Potter survived a Killing Curse when he was a baby. Harry Potter is the youngest Quidditch player in a century. Harry Potter can talk to snakes. Harry Potter is “special,” a status he does not enjoy.

So done

Banished from his kingdom, the character formerly known as Prince Zuko was given an impossible task by his father: find and capture the missing Avatar. Aided by his uncle, Zuko seeks redemption. He will regain his place! He will impress his father! He will roll his eyes at his uncle’s stupid jokes!

Will this save as a gif
While sulking!

The Couple
For as many advantages as Harry has, he lacks supportive father figures as the ones around him keep dying. I doubt he’d have much patience for a prince who resents his loving, living uncle. Plus, Harry’s never been impressed by social standing; he chose a blood traitor and a know-it-all Mudblood as his best friends. How much would he enjoy a partner who wishes he was still a prince?

Draco
Who does that sound like?

On Zuko’s end, I doubt he would care for a Chosen One who squanders all his influence. Zuko may be banished from the Fire Nation, but he still uses Fire Nation resources to track the Avatar. Harry could have whatever he wants, yet he would rather hang out with his friends than seize power.

Zuko’s penchant for betrayal dooms this couple. Harry would NEVER leave his uncle rotting in prison. Zuko sent his uncle to jail ON PURPOSE.

Best Harry Potter picture
“UNACCEPTABLE!”

Verdict: R.I.P. IT

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 6

For round 6, I picked

Porthos from BBC’s the Musketeers
and
Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle

Background
Porthos is not known for his brains. That said, he excels at improvised weaponry and most forms of combat. His sass knows no bounds and he would gladly die for one of his friends, even Athos.

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…probably.

When he’s not drag racing or beating the crap out of his older brother, Ronan Lynch chases alcohol with nightmares. As rebellious as he is, he prefers having friends who tell him what to do. He loves doing favors for people, a fact he disguises with convincing indifference. He loves using insults as a method of seduction.

The Couple
Bust my buttons, this is downright magical.

Two soft-hearted, borderline-alcoholic bruisers whose loyalty outweighs their ever-present rage?

Who share a sense of humor?

And DADDY ISSUES?

AND PRIDE IN THEIR RESPECTIVE CULTURES?

French Nationalism
“Hey girl…how do you feel about French nationalism?”

This is downright magical.

Speaking of…

How would Porthos react to Ronan’s magical powers?

Image result for ravens
Pictured: magical powers

As we discussed earlier, having a magical boyfriend could result in relational difficulties.

Then again…

Ronan is searching for a dead Welsh king. Porthos makes a living guarding the French king.

Never mind, I’m back on board.

Bar brawl, anyone?

Verdict: SHIP IT

 

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 5

For round 5, I picked

Athos from BBC’s The Musketeers
and
Adam Parrish from The Raven Cycle

Background
While he has clear motivations, Adam Parrish retains the most moral ambiguity of the four Raven Boys. Though he pursues power and status without ever turning villainous, he also terrifies his girlfriend, resents his best friend’s wealth, and tries to drive away the greatest of teen fantasy protagonists. Despite attempts to tamp down his emotions, his presence suffuses scenes with barely-concealed rage.

Athos loves whining almost as much as he loves wine. He can’t help it; his life is SO HARD and don’t you forget it! It’s not his fault! He was forced to execute his wife after she killed his lecherous brother in self-defense! He can’t help that he breaks up with women repeatedly – he’s too damaged! Yes, his best friend might have been dying of an ax wound that one time, but taking said friend to Athos’ old estate would have been too painful!

Pictured: 3 seasons of B-plot

The Couple
First off, I have qualms about pairing someone with an abusive past with this guy:

But for real
Off to a solid start! 

The two have some things in common. Adam and Athos both experience angst. The difference: Athos mopes, Adam seethes.

Both have a strong sense of injustice, though Athos deadens his with a bottle of wine.

Adam’s utter rejection of his roots has led to overwork and desperate social climbing. He hates people born into privilege. I doubt he would understand someone forgoing a life of privilege because it made them too sad.

Atho’s drinking has killed off any potential empathy for Adam’s social situation. Adam wants the advantages money brings real bad. Any attempts to explain this would launch Athos into a story of his own former glory, complete with drinking and weeping.

Adam is the eyes and ears of Cabeswater, Athos; he does not have time for your dead wife.

Saddest puppy
“No one does…”

 

Verdict: R.I.P. It

R.I.P It or Ship It: Round 4

For round 4, I picked

Roger Davis from RENT
and
Queen Amidala from Star Wars

Background
If Roger Davis isn’t singing about his problems, he’s running away. Granted, he has depression, something I’ve only recently been able to appreciate. He sulks in his apartment. He worries about his lifespan. He picks out melodies on his untuned guitar. His most unforgivable sin results when he mocks his roommate Mark after the funeral of a mutual friend. Mark wishes all his friends would stop dying; Roger spits, “POOR BABY,” and moves to Santa Fe, leaving his best friend and his dying girlfriend behind.

tenor1
“It’s true.”

Naboo elected Queen Amidala when she was 14 years old for unknown reasons. While on the throne, Amidala navigated a siege, political intimidation, and a planet-wide war. She frequently switched places with one of her handmaidens, claiming safety concerns, though one suspects she just liked doing it.

Amidala
“Deal with it.”

The Couple
I’m not even going to fight for this one.

Roger’s depression has him resigned to death. He can’t confront intimacy – he can barely leave the house!

Roger Davis
Pictured: Roger’s contribution to the plot.

Queen Amidala would not have time for that. She is running a PLANET. Her people are under SIEGE. What would taking care of an emotionally volatile man do to her political career?

Anakin
…don’t answer that.

Verdict: R.I.P. IT

R.I.P. It or Ship It: Round 3

For round 3, I picked

Lilly Moscovitz from The Princess Diaries
and
Jacin Clay from The Lunar Chronicles

Background
Heather Matarazzo gave life to Lilly Moscovitz in Garry Marshall’s take on my favorite book. Heather’s charm was missing from the original series, where Lilly functions as Mia’s smug best friend. Lilly never misses a chance to demean Mia, something Mia waves off as “just how [Lilly] is.”

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That was…almost an apology!

Jacin Clay’s secret love for Princess Winter was revealed in a twist that shed new light on his actions. Jacin’s ONLY loyalty is to the princess. As such, he loves letting others know how incompetent and insignificant they are.

Jacin
Pictured: flawless hair care and disdain.

The Couple
I hate Book Lilly’s toxicity. I hate when she nitpicks others’ flaws. I HATE the power imbalance her massive ego creates in her relationships.

None of Lilly’s friends call her out for her behavior. The few times someone does, Lilly offers a nominal apology that she brushes aside in favor of her own feelings.

Jacin’s patience died with his dreams of becoming a doctor. Stupidity will not fly around him. If you lie or propose a stupid idea, he will let you know.

In that respect, I’m here for this ship. Jacin would see through all Lilly’s attempts at self-aggrandizement and shut. Them. Down.

Lilly dumped sensitive musician Boris because he couldn’t keep up. Her most successful canon relationships were with a Muay-Thai fighting mad scientist and an Israeli-trained Swedish bodyguard. She would be into Jacin’s military bearing and sass.

This is true love. I can feel it.

Verdict: SHIP IT

R.I.P. It or Ship It Round 2

For round 2, I picked:

Aaron Burr from Hamilton
and
Kylo Ren from Star Wars

Background
Most know Aaron Burr as the man who shot Alexander Hamilton. In the musical, his personality boils down to strategic passivity and resentment at playing second fiddle to the brash, inelegant Hamilton.

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Kylo Ren, the new trilogy’s polarizing villain, idolizes Darth Vader (like many Star Wars fans his age.) Vader possessed the presence, power, and certainty Ren lacks. Ren spends most of his time throwing tantrums and holding grudges. He also enjoys pointless one-on-one duels and failing to blow things up.

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The Couple
Both of these men can hold a grudge; I can see them spending many a night bemoaning their past wounds over pints of Sam Adams.

Both have wrestled with uncertainty and indecision before landing on a single course of action: attain power, no matter the cost.

Kylo Ren isn’t…the smartest of villains. His tendency to rush into situations guided by emotions leads to grand failures for the First Order.

Burr, on the other hand, has the patience to play the long game as well as the drive to take action.

Ren needs Burr standing in Hux’s usual spot at his shoulder, whispering, “Wait for it…”

Verdict: SHIP IT